Three, Two, One
by ifonly13
Summary: Words can do damage and repair.  It all depends on how one uses them.


_**Three, Two, One...**_

* * *

><p>"Don't go. Please."<p>

It was as close to begging as he had ever heard her. Still, his hand turned the knob, the hinge creaking as he started to open the door. He forced himself to ignore the tears he knew were there on her face, the empty sound of her voice as it echoed in the apartment. If he turned around, put a physical image to the one in his mind, he was done for. So he took the first step from the room, his throat as clogged as hers sounded.

Her arms around his waist, her cheek pressed to his shoulder blades, were unexpected. He froze even as he felt her lips kiss his shoulder through the fabric of his shirt.

"Castle. I love you."

Now that she had said it, let those three words free, she couldn't seem to stop her mouth from uttering them. She hadn't moved, her arms still desperately around him, trying to keep him with her. "I love you. I love you, Castle." Her tears were warm as they seeped into his shirt, her fingers twisting into the fabric. "I love you."

He didn't have the strength to dislodge her as she babbled the words over and over against his back. He stood in the doorway, his hands braced on the frame. "Kate…"

"I love you. Don't leave me." Her nose was a hard point against his shoulder as she buried deeper into him. "I love you."

Castle was as gentle as possible as he wrapped his fingers around her wrists, tugging them away from his chest. He turned, steeling himself for the emotion on her face. He still wasn't ready as she turned watery hazel eyes up to meet his.

"I love you."

"Shh…" he whispered, placing one finger over her still moving lips. "Stop for a minute, Kate."

"Don't leave."

He trapped her hands against his chest, a free hand brushing the ends of her hair. "Kate, you lied. How can I trust you?"

A strangled sob hitched out of her, her fingers curling against him. "I love you, Castle," she repeated like a broken record, her eyes closing as she stepped closer to him. He took a mirrored step backwards, keeping distance between their bodies. "Castle…"

"I know."

"Stay."

"I… I can't, Kate." He let her hands fall. "I just can't."

Before he could change his mind, he pivoted and stepped into the hallway. He nearly returned, the sounds of her sniffling like a magnet drawing him back.

She followed him, her hand reaching out to try and snag his fingers. They slipped away as he quickened his steps. "Castle, please!" She swiped futilely at the tears now, standing in the doorway and watching as he hesitated halfway down the hall. "Don't go. I love you."

But he did. She watched him go down the stairs without a glance back. And that hurt almost as much as when he had looked at her that night. For a moment, Kate let her head fall against the kitchen wall. She didn't want to run after him, didn't want to be that person that needed another being to survive. But sitting in her apartment alone, night after night, wondering when and how to tell him that she remembered hadn't worked out too well. Maybe it was time to chase him instead of the other way around.

She had the presence of mind to slip her snow boots on before she left the apartment, wiping at her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. It wasn't until she was in the cab that she noticed that she was in her pajamas and she was missing her coat.

She was a mess. And she really couldn't care less.

Kate jogged through the lobby of his building, ignoring Eduardo's calls, and swung into the stairwell. It would be faster than waiting on the elevator and she hoped that she'd reach his floor before he did. She opened the door from the stairs just as the elevator signaled.

"Rick."

He stopped and Kate saw his shoulders tense. She didn't move for a moment, then took a single step forward. No running away.

"I'm sorry."

The two words she hadn't spoken all evening finally made him turn his head. They stood at either end of the hallway, one watching the other for a reaction. Kate didn't want to break first; the ball was in his court now.

"Okay."

One word. One word and Kate felt some of the weight on her shoulders lighten. Not disappear, but definitely float up a bit.

So she took another step closer, then another. Before she could stop, Kate found herself running down the hall. Castle caught her up, stumbling backwards a few steps.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against his neck.

"Me too," he returned, his breath ruffling the hair next to her ear. "I love you, Kate. So much it hurts sometimes."

She pulled back, keeping her hands at his shoulders, the lapel of his shirt between her forefinger and thumb. "Are we…?"

"Okay?" She nodded, holding her breath for his answer. "Yeah. We're okay." He reached over and brushed a hand through her hair and felt his heat contract when she leaned into the caress. "Come on. I'm sure we have a washcloth to spare, then bed."

Kate stopped at his doorway, holding onto his shirt in order to turn him around. "Castle, I mean what I said. I lo-"

He halted her words, sliding his hand around her head to pull her mouth to his in a gentle kiss. "I know. Let's not say it for the rest of the night. Let it settle, then we can pick them up again tomorrow. Deal?"

She smiled, nodded. "Deal."


End file.
